The Biding Place
by C. Bracken
Summary: Link's shadow considers his existence.


This is the Biding Place. There is no horizon. There is no distance. There is no end. I tried to walk away from here once, off into the white nothingness, but I could not go past the big rocks or the doors. The dead tree seems to be our anchor.

There are many of us here. We, the shapeless shadows of reality on the other side of a reflection. There are new shades every day, and old shades go away. I don't know where they go, but I'm sure I'd like to go there. I'm sick of this place that never changes.

I can't remember when I first started referring to Me as Me. I only know that My self-awareness is something I've gained relatively recently. I don't remember anything from before I became self-aware. Maybe I didn't exist back then, but somehow I feel that this is wrong. I feel like I have existed forever, and yet not existed. A word from a memory that is not Mine comes to Me: in potentia. I think that is what I was, though I'm not certain what it means. It feels right, though.

I sometimes remember things that never happened to Me. I wonder if I existed before I exist now. Like I existed, then for some reason I stopped existing, but now I do again. I think this might be so, because sometimes when I come across a new shadow, I feel as if I've known it before, and I remember an old shade who went away. If that is so, do we never leave this place? Are we trapped in this unreality forever?

I don't want to believe that is so. I don't want to believe that I can never leave this place. In My memories that aren't Mine I remember a world full of colors and warmth and beauty, and equally full of coldness and ugliness. In this place they have something they call "Time," and they worship it. They perform rituals to appease it, and they are always concerned for it. I don't think we have Time here. I wish we did. To be in such a world where all things are different and changing…

I will not believe that I can never leave this place of grays and unchange. I must leave this unreality.

I talk with the other shades sometimes. I ask them about existence and about Time, and about leaving this world. Only two others seem to share My feelings. One is large and sometimes He seems almost solid. The other is small and almost insubstantial, though She's presence is very definite. I think I am somewhere in between them.

I don't know why I call the large one 'He' and the small one 'She.' I think it must be something left from those past existences. Somehow it feels right. I do many things I don't understand because they feel right. I wonder why that is.

She became self-aware about when I did, according to He, who has been self-aware longer than She and I have. None of the others here seem to be self-aware like We are. I wonder why that is.

The sky above Me is the same as the sky below me. The parts of Me that I call My feet, because I don't have a better word for them, disrupt the sky below Me when I move. When I look at the tree that is our anchor, I see that it also exists on the other side of the ground. I don't. He and She don't either, and neither do any of the others. I wonder why that is.

I seem to wonder a lot of things. I wonder why that is.

I couldn't help Myself.

I've been thinking a lot about Time lately. I'm certain that we don't have it here. I think that what we have here is just things happening and then other things happening on and on forever. I talked to He about this, and He said that's all that time is. I don't think He and I were talking about the same thing.

I asked She about Time after I talked to He. She said that Time is an invention of those who live in reality, and they need it to survive. She thinks that the things that live in reality are incapable of comprehending their existence without it. When I asked She why We didn't need Time, She had no answers that satisfied me.

It must be nice to have Time, because Time means change, I think. That is why I say we don't have it here. Because here, nothing changes. Things just happen, and then other things happen afterwards. On and on forever.

I have to leave this place. I cannot stand the thought of being here forever in this unchanging unreality. Not with these memories that aren't Mine.

I asked He and She about the memories that aren't Mine. They said they have them too. She says she thinks the words "Zelda," and "Triforce" are important to She's memories that aren't She's, though We don't know what either word means. He thinks those words are important to He, too. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I think the words are important to Me, too.

When I talk to He, He calls Me He, and calls He I. She does this too. She calls He and Me both He, though somehow, He and I always know which of us She means. I find this interesting. I do not understand why She calls Me He, because I am not He, I am Me. She calls She I. I do not understand why this does not confuse any of the three of us.

I have decided to call this place the Biding Place, because I refuse to believe that We can never leave, and that I must endure My entire existence in this place. So, I am only biding My non-time until I find a way to leave. I want to take He and She with Me when I go, though He and She do not believe we are able to leave this place.

He calls this place Eternity. I don't like that name.

She calls this place Purgatory. I'm not sure that I like that name either.

Neither of those names feels right to Me. I prefer Biding Place.

I do a lot of thinking. Lately I have been thinking about when I first started thinking. It was about the same time I became self-aware, I think. Words came shortly after I started thinking. The others here don't use words, except for He and She. The others answer Me in pictures that I see in My mind when I talk to them. I have trouble understanding this way of talking. I think I understood it easily before I began to think, though.

I asked He about before She and I became self-aware. He said He was very lonely before She and I became self-aware. He said that sometimes He feels strange when He is around She or Me. It is strange. Sometimes I feel the same when I am around He. I feel like something is very wrong, like I need to do something to hurt He, which is strange because He is My friend, and I don't want to hurt He at all.

Something like this happens when He and I are around She at the same time. I feel like I need to protect She from He, which is also strange, because He does not want to hurt She, but He says that He has the same strange feeling that he wants to hurt She and Me, and She says She feels the same feeling when She is around He. It is all very worrying to Me.

Not-Time has passed, and something new is happening. A new shape appeared on the other side of the reflection. I feel drawn to this shape, as though I were connected to it. I release My body from My control, and it follows the new shape as the shape runs across the surface. I'm excited, for some reason. I think something big is going to happen. He and She are coming now. Perhaps They feel the pull, too. I am pulled to the anchor-tree, but there I feel that I need to stop, so I do. She and He are nearby, watching. I ask Them what is happening, but They do not know anymore than I do. The shape on the other side of the water is inspecting the door on the other side of the water. I can't see why, but it seems the shape can't go through the door. Is it, too, bound to this place now, as I am?

Something is happening to me! I feel myself falling through the water, but at the same time I am rising through it! What is happening to Me? I, I am on the other side of the water! I, I am in the world of Time! I can see so many things, as if for the first time! It's wonderful! I have escaped the Biding Place! I am Alive! I have Time!

Augh!

It hurts! I feel Time! I feel Myself fading away! I feel tiny bits of Myself disappearing, and I feel new things appearing from nowhere inside me! I am being compressed into a shape! I am confined in form! It hurts! This world hurts! I am panicking! What is happening to Me? Augh! I am fading and I am growing solid! I am confused! I fall to my knees in agony!

I can see the shape that I was drawn to clearly now. I am confined in its shape. Am I its reflection? I cannot be! We are on the same side of the water! I am in pain and I am confused! Something, someone, help!

He! Help Me!

She! Please! I am lost!

Augh!

The shape is running at me! It is a boy! What is that? The word just came into My mind!

I am confused! I am lost!

The boy, Link! What is Link? The words are in My mind!

Pain!

Link, he is charging at me! He has a sword! It is a tool for killing!

I don't know what that is! I don't know what that means!

Help!

I am his reflection! I have a sword too! Defend Myself!

Fight!

Pain!

Lost!

He strikes Me!

I cannot hold My shape! I fall into the water, I want to go back to the other side!

Please!

I can't! I can't get back through! I can only come back up onto Link's side of the water!

My mind says I must kill him to go back!

Fury!

Pain!

He strikes Me!

My shape grows more solid, but I am fading away!

Confusion! Pain!

He strikes Me!

He strikes Me!

He strikes me.

me…

i am killed.

i am dead.

i am fading.

i am falling back through the water. i am returning to the Biding Place. i want to be there.

Thank you, it hurt.

i wake. She is near me. He is here. The shape is gone. The word lingers. Link…

She is concerned. She asks me if i am still me. She is worried.

He says this is very interesting, and keeps asking me what it was like. i feel anger at He for some alien reason. i don't want to be near He. He keeps asking questions that i don't want to answer.

What happened to me? i…i hurt, still. It is dull, fading. It is gone. I shiver.

I am still in Link's shape.

Time…

The world of Time is amazing. But there is a price. You cannot stay there long. It hurts, and then you die. But you get to be there, in Time's land.

Do I want to go back? I'm not sure. I think I might.

But not right now.

This is the Biding Place. There is no horizon. There is no distance. There is no end. I tried to walk away from here once, off into the white nothingness, but I could not go past the big rocks or the doors. The dead tree seems to be our anchor.

Perhaps that is for the best. Or perhaps it would be best to be in Time's land again.

For once, I don't want to think about it.

This is the Biding Place, and this is where I am, for now. Maybe I will find a way out again. Probably not. Maybe so. It's all in gray.

I want to sleep.

Whatever that means.


End file.
